Progress

Last night was going fine. I put my son to sleep, I took a shower and Mike and I were going to talk when he got home from his friend Josh's house. Mike was drinking and asked me to take some pictures to send to him. He told me his phone was dying and to send them to his email. So I did. Then I didn't hear from him. I stayed up for hours trying to get a hold of him. I knew he got my texts cause I sent them through AIM. I knew his phone wasn't dead cause it was ringing. I hardly slept at all last night. Different scenarios playing out in my head. He's hurt. He's cheating. He's avoiding me. Then I stopped. Took several deep breaths and told myself, "Everything is going to be okay." "He loves you." "He's probably just drunk, and knows you don't like to talk to him when he's drunk." After calming myself down, I fell asleep.

Woke up this morning to no texts and no calls. Which upset me. The least he could have done when he got home was text me saying "I'm home. Going to bed. Talk to you tomorrow." He did that when we were fighting, so why couldn't he do that now? I called him and his phone rang. I called again, rang again. Called one last time and it went straight to voice mail. Instead of picking up the phone and just confirming he's okay or he's home and he will talk to me later, he just turned his fucking phone off! So I called back and left him a message saying, "Look, I was pretty pissed last night. Every bad possible situation was going through my head and I stopped it. Took deep breaths and reassured myself. But when you turned off your phone this morning, that upset me. It would have taken 5 secs to answer the phone, tell me you are fine and that you love me and you will call me when you wake up. What if I had done that to you? You would be cussing at me, calling me names, etc. I'm putting effort into changing and putting effort into this relationship. Why don't you try it or find someone else to put down and boss around. I love you asshole. (long story lol)"

Felt good to say all that, but talking to him would have made me feel better. I'm just going to wait till he calls me. I'm done being the one that always initiates contact. For most of the day yesterday, I barely talked to him and he texted ME.

I hate being in a long distance relationship thats compiled of misunderstood text messages, broken promises, and avoidance. I want to be in a relationship that full of compromise, love and effort.