Dependent

Another one of my "flaws." I become so dependent on the people I'm with. I don't do good alone. Like right now.

Mike and I finally talked earlier. He got back from camping last night. Hungover and tired, he didn't say much. He told me that he wants to make it work. But to me, he isn't acting like it. This is killing me. He's not answering my calls. Probably cause he left his phone at home. Why is he doing this? Ive been punished enough. How am I supposed to prove myself if we don't talk? I can't even enjoy my time with my son. I'm depressed most of the time. Every time the phone rings, my heart jumps. Ends up being stupid telemarketers. Why do I do this to myself?! I don't blame him for being upset. But he's completely changed. Is this a test? Or does he really not want to be with me?

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE being with my son. But I miss Mike SO much. I wish I could be with them both.

Then, on top of everything else. My ex's mom is getting worse. During the day, I'm stuck in the house. I kinda get angry. Then he comes by and updates me on how his mom is doing. Which is never good news. I feel so selfish. I'm so consumed with what's going on in MY life. I sometimes forget the reason why I'm here. That's another thing I have to work on, being selfish. The world doesn't revolve around me.

My Whole World

Sebastian and I watching South Park

Sarah★Christine | MySpace Video

Missing him...

So here I am. Stuck in my soon-to-be ex husband's house in Georgia. But I don't mind so much. He's going through a lot right now and I get to spend all my time with my son. 

My ex, (Greg) called me a little over a week ago and explained to me that his mom (whose health has been rapidly declining since I left 4 months ago) is getting much worse and  he needs my help with my son so he can spend more quality time with his mom. He tried daycare and other family members but there is just so much going on. So, missing my son like CRAZY and understanding I was his last resort. I came as soon as I could.

It was incredibly hard to leave Mike. You have no idea. Especially since he thought my ex and I were getting back together. Which was TOTALLY off. We have both realized that we are better off friends. But I understand why Mike would feel that way. It is kind of an awkward situation.

Anyway, so being stuck here with no car and cleaning the house. I have nothing but time to think about EVERYTHING. If only Mike felt what I felt. Knew what I knew. Maybe then he would realize how much I truly care about him and love him. He's the one that showed me how great of a person I can be. The one who opened up my eyes to so many new and wonderful things. We made lists of restaurants he wanted to take me to, places we wanted to visit, and movies to watch together. I miss him terribly. He's my best friend. Well, besides my younger sister Katie :)

Maybe one day he will know how much he means to me. Maybe he's thinking about me right now, while he's camping. Who am I kidding? He's probably having a blast drinking and hanging out with his friends. Probably hasn't thought of me once. Oh well. I love thinking about him and the times we had. Puts a smile on my face.