Ever try typing and not stopping to see what comes out?

I am lonely. This is something I know for sure. Even when I'm WITH someone I'm lonely. I'm not sure of myself and I know others aren't sure of me either. Its a curse. One that I can't shake and understand. I'm very indecisive and I don't know why. I will go back and forth on an issue for hours, sometimes even days. People who truly know me, know this about me and deal with it even though I'm sure its very annoying. My sisters aren't speaking to me right because of it, or so I'm guessing. If only they would tell me what I'm doing wrong and I could work on it cause I miss them. I miss talking to them about everything and remembering the good times. We make each other laugh all the time and finish each other's sentences. Whatever is going on I'm sure its something small cause it always is.

Mike and I are talking again, off and on. He has the ability to make me SO fucking mad sometimes I see RED. He can be so ignorant and dumb sometimes and pisses me off. I don't have any patience with him. I automatically jump to infuriated. He doesn't trust me, always tells me what to do, talks down to me, treats me like a child and always assumes the worst. I know I have issues but he gives me NO credit for the progress I HAVE made and I think thats what pisses me off the most. I try and talk to him and I can never tell if hes actually listening or just acting like it. He doesn't say much but then I ask are you listening and he always says yes. Then I ask him what I just said and he cant or just picks key words from what I just said. Then when he actually DOES give me credit, he claims its because of HIM! So I can do nothing right but when I do, its cause of him. RIIIIIIGHT! What the fuck ever!